I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
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