My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Randomize
