I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
