I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize
