No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
