brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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