Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
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