I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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