I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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