I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
