I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
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