a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
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