if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Randomize
