Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
My bed smells like the plague
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