I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
