At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
