what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
