are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Randomize
