I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
