so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
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I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
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My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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