In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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