i wish starbucks made bloody marys
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
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