I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
