we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Randomize
