Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
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But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
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Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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