Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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