bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
