she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
