Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
