last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
