Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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