the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
