so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I would fuck him just for his dog
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
