If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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