After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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