Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
