420 ftw
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
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