Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
