i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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