He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
