And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
