He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Randomize
