I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
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