oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
