Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Hippo gnu deer
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
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