my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
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you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
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I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
i've created a new STD.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
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