if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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