Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
