my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
He uses pillows to masturbate.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
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