I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
the night ended with taco bell and tears
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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