She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
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