Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
