problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Randomize
