how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
