You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize
