Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
