i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize