6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Randomize
