What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Actions speak louder than pants.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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