I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
