That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
my nose is crying tears of wow.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize
