My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
