I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
