nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
