if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
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