Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
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i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
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we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
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