my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
