I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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