Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
