Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
