I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
