4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
