Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
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I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
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He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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