just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
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