remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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