You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
