i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Randomize
